Not many people understand the legitimate Godly reasons on why divorce is okay through God’s eyes. Concerning certain circumstances and/or in certain situations. The church itself is known to go directly against any divorce despite the facts. Whether good or bad they expect you (a majority of the time) to be married once and stick it out no matter what. Which of course is understandable in a “normal” world. Yes, every marriage has its hardships, tribulations, trials, temptations, heartache, and headache. But ultimately that is the whole purpose of getting married, to commit and grow.
No One Likes Divorce
You love that person enough to mold yourself and change for the better. So much so that you are willing to make an oath to spend the rest of your life with this person. Regardless of the hardships, tribulations, trials, temptations, heartache, and headache. You are willing to sacrifice whatever you need to sacrifice to make things work. Regardless, the lengths and miles of it doesn’t even matter. You are willing to devote yourself to him/her no matter how much it hurts or breaks you down. Now this all sounds dreamy and lovely. And I’m sure we are all looking for that one person who will do anything like this for us. But some people they have taken these meanings to the extreme and not in a good way.
Before we discuss anything, you need to know that it is COMPLETELY OKAY for a married person to devote themselves to another having these positive intentions. As long as these intentions are out of pure love and they act on GOOD and GODLY deeds. Now, if you or someone you know is married to another person who uses these excuses in a NON-GODLY WAY, this article is for you.
1. Death –
In the Bible, divorce by death seems to be one of two legitimate reasons to make it okay.
In the society we live in today, divorce has become “normal”. It has become a somewhat no-brainer decision to make. You love them no problem, lets get married. Wrong. Very little people realize that getting married is first and foremost one of the biggest spiritual decisions you will ever make in your life. It is an oath, covenant, promise between you and your partner to God and each other. And if you know anything about God, he does not take promises lightly. He makes it clear in His scripture exactly how serious this is.
“For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.”
– Romans 7:2
“A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:39
You can’t get anymore blunt than that. You are allowed to remarry when a devote wife/husband becomes a widow. This does not make them evil or repulsive in God’s eyes. You and your spouse made an oath with the Lord when you got married, only by death is this oath released. If you are not married, think long and hard about it before you make a move. This is not a decision to play.
Many spiritual woman who are married to an abusive partner feels like the only way out is when their partners time has come. That is not the case.
2. Adultery –
Another reason discussed in the bible is divorce by the sin of adultery.
When a person thinks of adultery the first thing that comes to mind is someone cheating on their partner with another person, especially in a sexual manner. This is true. But in God’s eyes it is much deeper than that. Remember, I told you God takes promises very seriously. In Matthew 5:28 He says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart”. I am saying this because if you have ever found out that your abusive partner has been cheating on you, this is a valid reason to get a divorce. Even with a normal relationship or marriage, adultery is not okay in the eyes of the Lord.
But this is also a very complicated discussion. Let me explain. God on a personal level does not want anyone to get divorced, which is why it is discussed in such an important and critical manner in the bible. It is brought up so many times throughout the bible. Now with a normal marriage, yes you should do your best to work it out in every which way possible. Even so with adultery God does not want you to give up that easy.
Find When and Where You Need To
Pray about it everyday, read your bible, get therapy, get couples counseling, do what you can to save each other and your marriage. If your partner is genuinely sorry and wants to works things out he/she will show it in whatever way they need to because they realize what they did wrong and they understand what they are losing at the same time. But if you are trying to work things out your hardest and you can see that your partner doesn’t care or isn’t taking anything seriously, then maybe it is time to move on.
With a narcissistic or abusive marriage there will probably be a 85% chance that the abuser WILL care to work it out. They may say it a million times but when it comes to action it will mostly be just lies and deceit. Nothing genuine or meaningful. They will use your emotions to flip the script and make it seem like your delirious. They may even use the discussions in couples counseling to turn it against you. This is not love, this is someone selfish just trying to get something out of you. Do not stick around. Do not waste your life anymore for this person, spouse or not.
3. Abuse –
Abuse can be emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, mental, and even spiritual.
I specifically made this post for women (and men) in abusive relationships that feel like they can’t get out. I am here to tell you that it is okay to leave your marriage if your spouse is abusive, period. Let me explain.
Abused women feel obligated or forced to stay with their abuser for the rest of their lives. They feel the need to make things work, especially if they have children. And feel extreme guilt/pity if they want to leave and then actually do it. The victim of an abusive relationship may consciously or unknowingly feel responsible for the well-being of their abuser. No matter how terrible they are treated by him/her.
Victims who do their best to be spiritually active. They feel like there is an even bigger obligation to follow through on. The commitment they made to God when they got married. Constantly told and preached to that if they leave they are committing a HUGE sin against God. Churches specifically expect spouses to stay married no matter what the circumstances. This is not true.
Marriage is a Blessing From God
First of all, a marriage is supposed to be ordained by God. Meaning the marriage is a relationship that God put together on purpose. It is blessed by God. We see marriages in the world where husbands and wives have been in miserable relationships. And then miraculously found their one true love. Realizing that their first marriage was a mistake. Well not everyone’s story is like this of course but there’s good reason to hope. If your marriage is blessed by God then you’ll know it and reap the benefits!
Marriage was created by God, it needs to be ordained by God. If your husband is abusing you, do you think God put him in your life? If your husband beats you, do you think that the marriage was ordained by God? Do you think God approves of your husband hurting you like that? Likewise, if your husband compulsively and repeatedly lies to you and cheats on you but doesn’t physically beat you do you think that marriage was ordained by God? Do you think the manipulation, mind games, and control is something God wanted you to live with for the rest of your life? Did you have that voice in the back of your head or that gut-wrenching feeling screaming “NO! DON’T DO IT!!”
If you did then it was probably NOT ordained by God.
Don’t get me wrong, there are miracles that do happen and marriages that go from sour to sweet. But not all of them end up sweet, some stay sour because they are not meant to be. You KNOW within yourself if you should leave or not, it is getting to that breaking point for you TO LEAVE that is the hardest part.
God’s Priority – A Relationship With YOU, FIRST!
Secondly, God’s first priority is to have a personal relationship with each of His children, meaning you and me. Has being with your spouse has made you drift from your personal relationship with Christ? Then you need to think over if this marriage was meant to be. Look at the details specifically and pray hard about it.
If you are in an abusive relationship then you need to realize that:
1) God’s first priority is to have a close relationship with you
2) Good and evil cannot be together (light and darkness) and
3) God would not purposely put you in a marriage with an evil partner.
An evil partner meaning someone who abuses you, hurts you, manipulates you, doesn’t care about your feelings or well-being, is not a good person, lies, steals, is selfish, only does things to get his way even if it means hurting you, someone who uses you for your wealth or materialistic things, someone who uses you for their own gain, this is an evil person.
Light cannot mix with darkness, period. You cannot worship satan and God at the same time. It is either one or the other. If being with your abusive/evil partner (darkness) is drawing you away from Christ (the light) then that is NOT a marriage God wants you to stay in. God did not ordain it. He would not put someone evil in your life for you to drift away from Him. Because His first priority is to have a deep fulfilling relationship with you. And if someone evil is getting in between that, then that evil needs to go.
There are so many things that God wants for us and I cannot believe for the life of me that He would want any of his children to live in torment and pain for the rest of their lives. This is definitely a valid reason to move on and not look back. God will send you someone in His time, you need to be patient and focus on YOU for now. Fix yourself, love yourself, enjoy your life. God loves you and wants the best for you. The marriage is not meant to be if the person your with does not bring out your best or loves you correctly. Like I said earlier, it is one thing if they are trying but if their trying reflects lies and deception then it is all for selfish reason and not because they love you. It is better to leave now. It is better for you to lose your marriage than to lose yourself or God.
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