Fear is the number one reason women who are abused stay in abusive relationships. They are too afraid to make a move because of the reaction the abuser will have. There were countless times I could have left (and countless times I HAD left) my abuser but didn’t. He had mentally taken over my mind which in turn took over my life.
I wasn’t only afraid of him, I was afraid to lose him. Why? He didn’t do anything for me, he didn’t treat me right, the only time he cared was when it benefited him. So why was I so afraid to lose him? I knew he could be better and I knew he could do more. It wasn’t HIM I was afraid of losing, it was that perfect guy in my head that I created out of false belief that he would someday change.
We are too hopeful. We believe the lies and embrace the man that becomes so loving and patient once we leave and come back. We want to believe that he’s gonna change this time but deep down within us, we know he isn’t. We know it’ll never change, we’ve learned that time and time again.
So why do we keep going back? Hope. The thought of him changing to love us the right way runs through our mind. Thinking if we do this more maybe he’ll stop or if we stop doing this maybe it’ll get better. But it never does and we already knew it wouldn’t.
No one wants their children to grow up without a father or mother. We all want that perfect little family, but with an abuser we usually never get it. A majority of the time we are just holding on feeling like we’re about to fall off the cliff anytime soon. “If he does that one more time I’m leaving” or “I’m about to lose it I need to go NOW”. But so many times we end up staying and dealing with it.
We don’t want our children without a parent because we understand those wounds that could open up for them. And no parent wants to see there children suffer. So we stay hoping he’ll change, but he doesn’t.
It is better for you to LEAVE the abusive relationship, than to stay and let your children grow up seeing anything terrible that comes with the abuse. No child deserves to see any of that. And this will be your biggest motivation to let go and fight back.
A lot of women have reported that they did not want to leave the home because they had nothing to go on and no where to go. This is mostly in part because the abuser takes control of all financial resources, whether by force or not. These types of people yearn for control. They cannot lose control or they lose there mind. Which is why they turn into the sweetest person ever when you leave.
Finances do not matter. You are smart. Devise a plan that will take you out of that hell. Do what you need to do to escape that life. It will only benefit you in the latter.
It has become an everyday cycle towards the abused, it has become normal. This is there life. This is everyday life, sadly. They have grown tolerant of it, grown used to it.
Not everyone can relate to being an abused woman. Not everyone can understand exactly what it’s like unless they have been there themselves. The pain, the fear, the helplessness, the loneliness, the heartache each time it happens. It’s not something you can just imagine. Women all around the world have grown into this as there norm. And it’s not something anyone should live with or tolerate, ever. Love yourself more than that and leave.
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